Okay, so there's a NEW scam out there. A variation on a theme if you will. And I'm hoping you won't. It's a twist on the oh-so-benevolent and eager president(s) of Nigeria sending emails wanting to give you millions and millions of dollars - in return for your bank account number and password. I used get them about 500 times a day - you know the drill - a "rep" of prez Magoombo Boo-loo or whatever the hell his name is that day, asking me to please take a few million off his hands. (It must be such a terrible burden for kings of starving countries to deal with all that dough.) I always write back. Always. I can't help it. I say stuff like: "Hey asshole, get a new scam! This one is OLD. Don't you guys watch Oprah in Scamland?" or "How about learning how to spell and structure a sentence before you try and ask for yes the money for to be put in account bank after your number we getting," or, the ever popular,"Eat shit and die!" if I'm in a hurry. Yet the emails kept coming and I kept answering, mostly: GET A NEW SCAM. Well, guess what? They did. And I'm on the new scam list! They probably figured if we can get past this bitch, we can get past anyone.
The new scam is they pretend they are looking for mystery shoppers - for $200 a pop. Just fill out the form (that comes with the email) which includes a provision for your bank account number, and they'll even send you the money first. Wow. How fabulous is that? So, again I write back: CONGRATULATIONS! You nimrods got a new scam! Unfortunately, it still sucks. But I have an idea. How about - are you ready? Get a legitimate job! How radical is that? Don't know what a legitimate job is? Well, just send me $5,000 USD and I'll send you a list of highly legitimate jobs that pay three million dollars a year each, part time. Funny, I haven't heard back. ***
Okay, enough of those cerebral deficients. Let's go on to something important. I'm trying to decide whether or not to cut my hair. It's way past my shoulders and this Florida weather makes it a frizz fest. Then again, if I cut it short it'll be a short frizz fest. What I'd really like to do is shave my head. Start afresh. And see what my REAL hair looks like. I've been, ahem! highlighting it for years. For all I know it could be blue. I know, wanting to shave your head is one of the first signs of insanity - unless you're a guy with alopecia areata (area balding) who thinks it makes him look cool and he might get laid if he does because it's "in." Ugh.
Why can't bald suddenly be a fashion trend for women? Not feminine enough for the neanderthals to be attracted to us. Primordially speaking, long hair gives the illusion of youth, fertility and a ripe breeding ground in a woman. Sexy, sensual hair. Frizzy, matted, sticky hair - if you live in a subtropical climate. Eh, I'll see how I feel after I arrive for my coif appointment at Super Cuts. After they're done with me, I just might want to shave my head. ***
It's official. I'm addicted to urban rebounding. It's that jumping on a mini-trampoline thing. At first when I tried it, I thought I was going to have a haht attack - now, pah! piece of cake. Sort of. But let me tell you - if you want to keep the pounds off and still eat like it's the 1950s (cake, butter, ice cream, alcohol, Cheez-whiz, breads of all kinds) then this is for you my complicated friend! The trick is though, ya gotta keep it up. Maintenance is the name of the game. As is a good support bra. ***
Well, that's it for now. Thanks for listening. I just got the new FLIP video camera so I'll be posting some videos up here in the next few weeks. And what's a good read without a good quote? Let's leave with a quote from the Spouting Frog. This one's from me:
"You're never too old to be immature."
- Anna Collins - author, comedian, time-traveler
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